Celebrate Constraints
Constraints, I believe, are meant to be respected and celebrated. Take a drawer in your bedroom dresser you may use to store clothes as an example. The drawer has a very finite amount of space in which to store things. There is a limit to what you can easily and comfortably store in this drawer. When we respect (and celebrate!) the spatial constraint of the drawer and only store what can comfortably and neatly exist in the drawer, it is easier to put things away and retrieve things in that drawer. It is easier to keep things neat and tidy. It is easy to close the drawer. Let’s expand this example and consider your combined storage space for clothes - your space for hanging items and your space for all other clothing items. Say you have 2 average dresser drawers and 1 foot of hanging space in a closet. Compare this to the person who has 8 dresser drawers and 6 feet of hanging space in a closet. Keeping these 2 situations in your mind I want you to consider the following:
Which person do you think owns more clothes?
Which person do you think spends more mental, emotional and physical energy decluttering their closets?
Which person do you think acquires clothing at a faster rate?
Which person do you think actually wears all of the clothes that they own?
The answer to all of these questions can be answered with reasonable confidence based solely on the difference in constraints that each person faces.
Possessions, in any area of our home or life, are like a gas. They expand to whatever space we give them.
This principle applies in our kitchens, bathrooms, garages, toy storage areas, bookshelves. The greater the available space to store items, the more items you will accumulate. And the more items you accumulate, the more mental energy, physical energy, time and money you are using in the ownership and maintenance of the item.
On the other side of this: What happens when we celebrate the constraint of our smaller (or right-sized!) kitchen, bathroom, garage, bookshelf…. Home! We get to enjoy the benefits of more mental energy, physical energy, time and money to spend on areas of our life that are actually important to us (what I like to refer to as life-building activities vs. life-sustaining activities).
I think this principle can even be applied to our time. In fact, time is a great example of the equity of constraints. Everyone living on the earth today has the same 24 hours to work with today. 168 hours to work with this week (thanks to Laura Vanderkam and her book 168 hours and her excellent body of work, I do in fact know how many hours are in a week). No one has a proverbial “bigger dresser drawer” here. Time in a day is your constraint. As you respect that constraint, rather than pushing against it, you can start to be realistic about what you can do today or this week.
We have tried to solve problems with “more”. Telling ourselves the answer is a bigger kitchen, a bigger closet or even a bigger house. And the truth is that in seeking for more, we aren’t actually solving the real issue. In fact, we are making the problem a bigger problem down the line. One that will take immense energy and time to address when we can no longer ignore the reality that we have disregarded the constraints we’ve been given.
Moving into a McMansion won’t solve your problems.
So I say - celebrate those constraints.
Here’s an example of constraints in action. I have an affinity for boxes. Not like moving boxes or shipping boxes but nice boxes that can be reused as gift boxes and small boxes to corral things in a drawer or other larger container. My favorite are the boxes that any apple product comes in. Those boxes are gold. Oh, and nice shoe boxes. I like those too. My husband and I joke that sometimes I’m more excited about the box than the item inside (be it a present or an apple product.). If I kept every box that I liked or thought might be useful down the road I might be swimming in boxes. To combat this I have given myself a constraint for how many boxes I can keep. I have a box for my boxes (so meta, I know). It’s a box literally labeled boxes. It’s not huge (I think the capacity is around 40 liters. This box is my constraint. If I can’t close the lid to the box, I have too many boxes and it is at that point that I either can’t put any more boxes into the box to store, or I have to get rid of a box to make room for another box I want to keep more. I do not allow myself to keep any boxes beyond what will fit in this box. This is a self-imposed constraint that keeps my box collection in check. I don’t want to be drowning in boxes. I don’t want my boxes to be overwhelming my space and my life (even though I really do like them and find them incredibly appealing and useful).
I think for a constraint to work for you it needs to be:
Clearly defined. I really like the example of the box. This is an easy yes or no question I can ask myself: does it fit in the box? I’m removing ambiguity.
Respected. If I’ve extended myself beyond my natural constraint I stop.
Here are some other examples of constraints (beyond boxes and physical space).
The “Magic Number” - Example: I will only keep 10 size 2T shirts for my younger son to wear when he is ready for that size. Or I will only keep 2 towels per household member plus 2 for guests.
Time - Example: I won’t put out more toys than my child can put away in 5 minutes.
Frequency - Example: I restock craft supplies like paper and tape every quarter. When we run out, we run out.
Celebrating and respecting constraints also leads to creativity. You realize that it’s okay to not be prepared for every single possibility in life and you realize you’re resilient and can be creative. For example, having a time constraint to complete a routine task like unloading the dishwasher or putting away laundry can lead to some very creative ways to save time. Or only stocking craft supplies every quarter gives the crafters in your house the opportunity to try using new mediums or experiment with different activities.
Constraints are all around us. We can push against them in frustration and pain or we can welcome them and use them as a powerful, natural means to combat overwhelm in our lives. For me, constraints are my friends and I happily embrace them.
